3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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