so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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