Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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