ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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