So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
