I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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