Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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