Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Who put my cat in the fridge?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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