he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
