Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
