My cat gives me a boner
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
