I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
How does it feel to date your dad?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
