FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
