Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
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