I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
