It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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