it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
