We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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