its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
