Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
how does that bad decision feel?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
