my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
