I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
