I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
