my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
