8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Just high enough for therapy.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I'm too high and old for this...
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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