I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Holy sore nipples Batman
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
