a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
