i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize