Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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