Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
i need some magic done to my vagina
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
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