Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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