Life is so much better after having sex.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
ok first of all what the fuck
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
