I haven't been this sober since birth.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
