I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
