I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I need water and some morals
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
