Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
