billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize