So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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