Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
