either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize