whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
