So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
be right there i have to get my cape
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
