im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
