Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Someone came in the potted fern
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
