Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Randomize
