yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
