why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
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