I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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