what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Randomize
