i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
