I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
