I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I will pee on everything he values.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Come on in and take your pants off
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