Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
