forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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