haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
