Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
