Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
