I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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