We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
