But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
you would pick up someone in the library
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
