note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
