I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
