yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
