upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Randomize
