is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
