I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
