She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
