If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
