whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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