If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
