Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
